Angela Bruno: So, here it is, Chris. It's time for the big dance. The senior prom of all blog posts! Except that I've blocked out almost all the details of all proms I've attended. Especially that year when I was everyone's back up date … . But these songs, no, I'll never forget em. Especially with the way you played these breakfast, lunch and afternoon-snacktime at the office. Ah, the memories …
Ne –Yo, "Closer"
AB: Not gonna lie. I pretty much despised Ne-Yo before this song. Then he started wearing really nice suits. And when this song came out – March? – it sounded like dancing-under-palm-trees. Which is just so me.
CR
Kanye West, "Love Lockdown"
AB: Favorite memory: rubbernecking to watch this LIVE on the Paramount lot at the VMAs. Only topped by watching Ellen's reaction to its video premiere on her show. Only matched by my reaction to it premiering on Ellen .
The Academy Is …, "About a Girl"
AB: That dude must be on the Rachel Zoe workout plan. Not only does he look like a chick with an eating disorder – but he is clearly embattled by inflated male ego/insecurity. That's right, bah humbug, I feel sooo bad for you.
John Legend, "Green Light"
AB: I thought I was so over Legend's lothario-hidden-under-the-guise-of-classy-cabaret-esque-piano-man shtick. 'Cause, when you break it down, this song is really only about the urgency of his … boner. Sorry, can I say boner here? But, like I said, nice suits. And Andre's on it. Best line: "I heard you when you told your girl when, oooh he can get it/admit it/ you did it."
Webbie, "Independent"
AB: According to this song, if I work hard, I'm a "bad broad." And according to this squad of romeo-geniuses, a "bad broad" -- by definition (if you don't know, now you know) -- "She cook, she clean, neva smell like onion rings." (Phew, got all three! Thought I'd never make the cut.)
This is where you spell everything out …
Mariah, "Touch My Body"
AB: Oh Mariah, back on the crazy train. How you infuriated me this year. That "wedding" to Nick Cannon. That other wedding to Nick Cannon. The rumors about you two procreating. Please god no.The ill-explained allusion to physics. Oh yeah, and put some CLOTHES on. As me and my girlfriends have hypothesized, she probably got married in a mohair thong bikini. And you, Chris, force-feeding me gossip about her all year long. You fueled the flames!
T.I., "Live Your Life"
AB: Just the absolute JAM. Played on cue by you on all those ice-coffee-and-chair-dancing-fueled summer afternoons. Hold up, I'm getting misty eyed.
Katy Perry, "Hold N Cold"
AB: Katy Perry, I salute you. And I'll even forget "Kissed a Girl" while I'm at it too. Serious karaoke potential. But you wouldn't know anything about that …
Paramore, "That's What You Get"
AB: I love Paramore/Hayley. Loved 'em/her from the get. Don't know why, just do. Plus, you know it's a good song when all the women shoppers at H&M are singing along to it. That is a bond you can't break.
Young Jeezy, "Put On"
AB: Wasn't that into "Put On" … until I watched an a cappella troupe sing it. Total Street Cred Points Earned : -763!!!
And while apparently it's not okay to smell like onion rings, it's apparently okay "her weave look like curly fries."
Copy paste other lyrics about – fish sticks, tartar sauce, pockets full of celery, asparagus, they know he got that broccoli ….
Jim Jones, "Pop Champagne"
AB: Champagne gives me an immediate hangover. And Jim Jones makes me immediately projectile vomit. But for all his misogyny, megalomania, arrogance and douchebaggery, this song serves its party-purpose. Darn it.
Jesse McCartney, "Leavin'"
AB: I credit the success of this song to ... you playing it incessantly, grown men singing along to it (aka all of my coworkers), my (literally) escapist tendencies, the paltry success rate of my romantic endeavors, his boyish good looks .... total summer jam.
Danity Kane, "Damaged"
AB: I credit the success of this song to ... my playing it incessantly, grown women (aka all of my friends) singing along to it, my (literally) escapist tendencies, the paltry success rate of my romantic endeavors, their boyish good looks .... that breakdown at the end is simply delicious.
Usher, "Love in this Club"
AB: Maybe Jeezy is just hungry: "it's going down on aisle 3, I bag you like some grocercies." Plus, listening to any other songs on Usher's album is like moving mountains [cue the laugh track]. Real talk: I was beyond obsessed with this song – and could not for the months of march-may start my day without listening to this at least twice every morning.
CR: Jeezy also delved into produce metaphors on "Put On" (asparagus, broccoli, etc.)
Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love"
AB: How could you not get swept away in the Leona Lewis zeitgeist that was the first half of '08? How could you not expect it to fizzle out soon thereafter?
Lil Wayne, "A Milli"
AB: So much has been said that there's not much left to say. I've had conversations I never thought I would have about Weezy with people I'd never thought I'd have them with. Total Street Cred Points Earned: 375! The only thing I regret about my year with Weezy is not getting wise to him post-Hot Boys, pre-T3. Total Street Cred Points Earned: -19.
Yung La, "Ain't I"
AB: I'm forfeiting this round. I can't pretend like I've actually heard this song before. Total Street Cred Points Earned: -27.
T-Pain, "I Can't Believe It"
AB: I can't believe how nonplussed I am. Total Street Cred Points Earned: 444!
Jonas Brothers, "Burning Up"
AB: Camilla who?
CR: U mad.
AB: Holler at me Joe Jonas, I'll make the pain go away – that was too much eyebrow for one relationship anyway. Plus, I went to Catholic school grades K-12. [Wink.]
CR: Christ on crutches, the boy wears promise rings.
AB: Oh, sorry, I got distracted. This song totally caught me by surprise – in a good way.
Taylor Swift, "Love Story"
AB: I give her props for calling out Joe Jonas [loyalty is not my best quality]. But the thing I love most about this is your completely unironic love for Taylor Swift. ALL you.