Britney Spears' latest contribution to pop music's math textbook, "3," is a celebration of bedroom-floor activities involving more than two people, and I don't mean vacuuming! Though that might happen too, actually. But Britney coos naughty stuff about "Not only you and me/ Got 180 degrees/ And I'm caught between" and "Peter Paul and Mary gettin' down." (Where's Puff the Magic Dragon when you need him?) But believe it or not, Ms. Spears is not the first pop star to deal with said multipartner practice, and others have documented entirely different lovemaking activities at least as nontraditional. Herewith, an inventory of sex-obsessed songs that opt for flavors other than vanilla.
- MENAGES A TROIS: Jefferson Airplane, "Triad" ("I don't really see why we can't go on as three"); Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, "The French Song" ("I have to laugh out loud when you say three's a crowd"); Prince, "When You Were Mine" ("He was there sleeping in between the two of us")
- ANALYTICAL BIOCHEMISTY: Howlin' Wolf, "Back Door Man"; Grace Jones, "Pull Up to the Bumper"; Toni Basil, "Mickey" ("Any way you wanna do it, I'll take it like a man")
- ELECTRONIC DEVICES: Stacey Q, "Hard Machine"; Motorhead, "Orgasmatron" (named for a contraption in Jane Fonda's Barbarella); Jefferson Airplane, "Plastic Fantastic Lover"
- INFLATABLE FRIENDS: Roxy Music, "In Every Dream Home a Heartache" ("I blew up your body but you blew my mind"); Bram Tchaikovsky, "Girl of My Dreams" ("Judy was an American girl/ She came in the morning in the U.S. mail")
- FOOT FETISHES: Blue Oyster Cult, "She's as Beautiful as a Foot"
- FOOD FETISHES: Lady Sovereign, "Food Play"
- FAMILY VALUES: The Doors,"The End"; Serge and Charlotte Gainsbourg, "Lemon Incest"; Prince, "Sister"; Fountains of Wayne, "Stacy's Mom"; several cheating songs sung by father/daughter country duo the Kendalls
- NECROPHILIA: Alice Cooper; "Cold Ethyl"
- YELLOW FEVER: Circle Jerks, Golden Shower of Hits; Flo Rida featuring Ne-Yo, "Be on You"; Funkadelic, "Alice in My Fantasies" ("Be my dog and I'll be your tree")
- CATS O' NINE TAILS: Faster Pussycat, "Where There's a Whip There's a Way"; Devo, "Whip It"; Dazz Band, "Let It Whip"; Sparks, "Whippings and Apologies"; the Velvet Underground, "Venus in Furs"; Dominatrix, "Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight"
- PADDLING THE CANOE: The Crystals, "He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)"; Madonna, "Hanky Panky"; the Andrews Sisters, "Beat Me Daddy Eight to the Bar"; Jimmy "Bo" Horne, "Spank"; Ray Parker Jr., "Bad Boy" ("Spank me, whoop me ... break out the leather baby!")
- RESTRAINING ORDERS: Blue Oyster Cult, "Dominance and Submission"; X-Ray Spex, "Oh Bondage Up Yours!"; Parliament, "Handcuffs"; Trent Willmon, "Surprise" ("I nearly lost my mind when I saw the leather and spikes around her neck and he was handcuffed to my bed")
- UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS: Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, "Fetish"; Pete Townshend, "Rough Boys"; ZZ Top, "Rough Boy"; Accept, "London Leatherboys"; Skatt Bros., "Walk the Night"; John Mellencamp, "Hurts So Good"; Lady Gaga, "Poker Face"
- PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF ERECTION: Accept, "Head Over Heels" ("Late at night in the park ... spurting in the dark")
- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2008 All Media Guide, LLC.
Awesome list, Chuck-- except "Orgasmatron" is, if I'm not mistaken, from Woody Allen's "Sleeper", not "Barbarella" (although "Barbarella" has *an* orgasmatron, I feel like it was called something else...)
I guess Frank Zappa is not mentioned as listing his songs with sexual "fantasies" would take too many pages.