A Get-Well-Soon Playlist for Marilyn Manson

I know that swine flu is no laughing matter, despite the HuffPo doc's assertion that many people "joke about it and don't give it the respect it deserves. Swine flu is the Rodney Dangerfield of pandemics." (Who am I to argue with a guy named Dr. Larry Brilliant? I don't laugh at Rodney Dangerfield jokes, either.) After all, when even a dark prince like Marilyn Manson proves susceptible to snout gout, who among us is safe? (You'd think that the virus would have taken one look at Manson's terrifying visage and turned on its amoebic heels. With his pallor, how did the microbic critters even figure out he was alive in the first place?)

"Unfortunately, I am going to survive," wrote Manson on his Facebook page, clearly taking things in stride. We'll strike that "unfortunately," because frankly, a world without Marilyn Manson is not a world we really want to imagine. (Where would we get our Mansinthe?) Having lost the King of Pop, we're not about to lose the King of Shock-Schlock. So, wishing our beloved Celebritarian a speedy recovery, we whipped up an audio get-well card: a whopping dose of tunes dedicated expressly to our favorite cross-dressing, human-skeleton-collecting, starlet-dating-and-divorcing, scary-contact-lens-wearing Man in Black: James Brown's "Cold Sweat." Run-D.M.C.'s "You Be Illin'." M.I.A.'s "Bird Flu." Peggy Lee's "Fever." Ne-Yo's "So Sick." Queens of the Stone Age's "Sick, Sick, Sick." Motley Crue's "Generation Swine," of course, along with Today Is the Day's "Kiss the Pig." Even Jello Biafra's Tumor Cirus doing the scarily prescient "Swine Flu," from way back in 1991. And much, much more. If this "Soul Vaccination" (Tower of Power) doesn't do the trick, we recommend you "Up the Dose" (Mentors). With cuts from the Rolling Stones, Steely Dan, TV on the Radio, Misfits and more, the antibody's gotta be in here somewhere. But whatever happens, just remember Screamin' Jay Hawkins' sage advice, and "Shut Your Mouth When Your Sneeze."

Get well soon, Marilyn. If we can do anything for you while you're down -- send out for pork fried rice, BLTs, a piping hot bowl of chitlins -- just say the word.