The Hair of Hair Metal

"The Failed Perm"
Whitesnake, Firehouse
In a time of crimping, these curly-coifed dudes were the epitome of '80s hair: frizzed out and teased up in all the right places. So few bands could boast each member sporting the "electric-socket" look simultaneously, but both Whitesnake (left) and Firehouse did, and that made for some great visuals for these balladeers. It's completely possible Jon Frieda invented Frizz-Ease just because of these guys and their untamed tresses.

"The Girl Next Door"
Poison
The New York Dolls taught glam rockers how to cross-dress with panache, but Poison ran with it and practically ended up in transsexual territory with their full makeup and ladylike locks. What girl could find a fantastic pink lipstick to rival Bret Michaels'? And what girl didn't hold contempt for Bobby Dall being a ringer for prom queen every year from 1983 through 1988? His hair was masterful, feminine and probably even smelled nice. Just take a look at their glamor shots on the Look What the Cat Dragged In album cover and let the jealousy rage. Sure, we could throw Vixen and Lita Ford into the ring here, but sorry ladies -- Poison had prettier hair!


"The Over 'Do"
NITRO
If you're going to have a 4-necked-guitar and have your lead singer hold a ridiculous high note for over one minute straight, chances are you're going to be excessive in other departments, too. So it's not too surprising the hugest hair in the genre belongs to NITRO -- they certainly are a little over the top. And purposefully or not, they were comic geniuses without the help of Rob Reiner. When it comes to looking back on hair metal, the stereotypes are pretty funny, and we're sure glad these guys played them up HIGH.


The Jack Burton
Def Leppard
Who can resist a good "Big Trouble in Little China" reference? Kurt Russell owned and operated a fantastic mullet for practically all of the '80s, so we have to drop the man's name when discussing Def Leppard's devotion to keeping their business in the front with a party goin' on in the back. It's possible we now know what was bringing on the heartbreak: the mullet has not been accepted or admired since its reign in the '80s. But even fictional metalhead Wayne Campbell rocked a hockey player haircut, surely in homage to Def Leppard. So since we're talking about these awesome exports from the U.K., it's only fair to thank these football fans for taking inspiration from the fields of Britain to the stages of the world. Joe Elliott is a god amongst mulleted men.


"The Cropped Crew"
Dokken
These dream warriors may have broken out of some chains in their day, but when it came to hair length, it was as if they didn't want to upset their mothers. Come on, Don, you could have gone longer! You could have at least used more Aqua Net? But you didn't, and George Lynch didn't either, and that's why we're discussing your "shortcomings." Looking at Dokken's early press photos is like looking at the beginning-of-the-year class photos that look strange once yearbooks come out in spring.


"The Mad Housewife"
Ozzy Osbourne
The "Prince of Darkness" had his own eyebrow-raising take on the creative coifs of the '80s with his frosted tips and blown-out, freeze-held hair helmet. Add that tragic silk robe he often wore, and there you have the mad housewife in all his glory. Looking back at the testimonials about Ozzy's behavior that were illustrated in The Dirt, all we can say is: acid is a crazy drug. Kind of makes you wonder what everyone else was thinking when they sincerely grew out their hair, teased it, permed it, sprayed it, styled it and worked it -- without hallucinogenics.



"The Centerfolds"
Cinderella, Britny Fox
An image of perfection, both Cinderella and Britny Fox (left) had hair that epitomized every adjective that comes to mind when the words "hair" and "metal" are uttered side by side. Maybe they were taking vitamins with their liters of Jack Daniel's. Maybe they personally knew Paul Mitchell. Whatever the deal was, each member of both bands had hair that embodied the '80s aesthetic, and we salute them for it.


"The Trend-Setters"
Motley Crue
There may have been a barrage of hair spray and teasing combs in the Crue's makeup bag just like everyone else's, but each member had a distinctive look, and no one else did it quite like they did. Vince tried the over-teased Bret Michaels style early on, but thankfully he wisened up, got a headband, and let Nikki Sixx be the one with the hair height in the band. With his super-straight locks, Sixx was responsible for some spiked-out action that was so distinct, there are still wigs sold in his likeness today.