2008 VMA Diaries: T-Pain Puts a Hurtin' on Rhapsody Rocks

by Angela Bruno

Objective: Wind up in T-Pain's top hat by the end of the night. Status: A girl can dream. I started the evening off at the Lifebeat/Rock Band benefit show at House of Blues, where people were having the most wholesome time of their lives, playing Rock Band, watching other people play Rock Band, and waiting for Plain White T's and Panic at the Disco, who were looking Euro-crisp, to perform. But wholesome isn't the name of the game at the VMAs and T-Pain waits for no one, so I had to run to the Roxy for the Rhapsody Rocks party -- the most high-energy show of the pre-VMAs. Shoutout to DJ Stretch Armstrong, who warmed up the crowd of hipsters and cool kids like a polyurethane jogging suit. Photos, set list and everything you didnt know you ever wanted to know about T-Pain after the jump.

Bottomline: T-Pain WORKS for his money. He also twerks for his money, because homeboy can dance, robotically, hypnotically, nonstop-edly. It was a soup(ed) to nuts performance -- quite literally. There was comedy! There was drama! There was a knighting -- of new Nappy Boy artist Taydizm, who received his NB chain on-stage. There was talk of his top hats, something called the "helicopter" and his manscaping practices! Oh, and two words: dancing clowns. Oh, and a few more: the night ended with Suge Knight parking-lot pimping at Mel's Drive-In, where a rotating cast of women/ego masseuses joined him for some late-night grub.

God, is that you? The bioluminescent T-Pain dishes on his choice of headwear: he gets them custom made in the U.K. "I just got a Gucci top hat yesterday," he said. To which his DJ responded, "A Gucci top hat -- you must be spending a lot of guap!" Well, duh. T-Pain "Got Money" and is living the "Good Life" after all.

Sick. A cross between Kiss and Cirque de Souleil.

Oh, and btw, T-Pain's new album, Thr33 Ringz, drops on 11/11. And don't you forget it. The DJ certainly wouldn't let us.

The crowd. Take note of the smiles. Celeb attendees (not pictured) included New York -- of Flavor of Love and I Love New York fame. Locksley -- a forthcoming MTV Artist of the Week. Raekwon, still walking amongst the people. Some of the B-List's usual suspects and T-Pain's female body double (who kicked it in the wings the whole night); also easily mistakable for one-half of Yo Majesty.

When T-Pain needed to take a rest, he and his crew resorted to interludes. Including a drawn-out one about the "helicopter," which, pardon my innocence -- now lost forever -- I think, after his description [cringe], is a sexual position. Good to know. Then, there was this whole bit about the freakiness of West Coast women (which made me see some of my friends in a whole new light -- AWKWARD! J/K!). And then, T-Pain took off his shoe and showed it to the crowd, without saying a word. I think he was trying to tell us something.

T-Pain played every solo or assisted-on hit in his repertoire, either in its entirety or just a snippet. A whole hell of a lot. From "Can't Believe It," "I'm Sprung," "Bartender" and my personal fave "I'm so Hood," to "Cyclone," "Low" "I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper)" "Buy U a Drank," "The Boss" and mucho more, T-Pain killed it over and over again, proving that this promiscuous collaborator can stand alone. He even ran through "A Milli," at which point the idea that Lil' Wayne would make a cameo crossed everybody's mind, and at which point I was deciding how I'd like to be buried -- 'cause I would have died.

After almost an hour on-stage, T-Pain bid us a heartfelt adieu: "I always try to put on good shows. It's my job to please ya'll." But he's T-Pain. And it's the VMAs. And he's T-Pain. He can do whatever he wants.  Plus, he's balling out of control (pun intended!). So he carried on, in quite the WTF (cleanliness be gone!) and TTTMI  manner: "But I've got to get back to my hotel room. I don't even have time to shave my balls before the VMAs. I might have to go to a salon for this one." Man, oh man. It doesn't get any better than that.

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[John C. Byrd III]

Check out this behind the scenes footage from the VMA's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Dsp22Hfp4c