Thank God for Chris Brown

By Rachel Devitt

I never thought I'd say that, but I'll say it again -- thank God and the Moonman and the man in the moon for Chris Brown. It's not that I don't like the new VMAs format -- I love the whole "one night only," once-in-a-lifetime moment in music history thing (especially opposed to the old model, which was basically -- what? -- watch it tonight or any waking moment for the next month until you can't close your eyes without dreaming of that dude from Rage Against the Machine climbing the scaffolding). Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and 50 Cent in an "impromptu" collaborative performance? Nice. And I like how everyone's down with the folks, performing at the crowd level like they're real people (as if there weren't big scary body guards just off-camera ready to throttle anyone who actually touches the boldface names).

That said, I need a little spectacle, people! Sure, it was cool -- OK, really freaking rad -- when Cee-Lo was just on the floor rocking the crap out of the Foo Fighters. But no more sweaty bands looking like they just got done playing Lollapalooza back when Lolla was a tour, MTV! If I wanted to see Dave Grohl perspire, I'd pay an exorbitant amount of money to watch him do it through binoculars at some arena, all right? For the VMAs, I want some special effects, a little choreography and some hot little kid dancers, damn it!

Which is why Chris Brown is -- so far -- King of the VMAs, as far as I'm concerned. Dude didn't even pretend to have a microphone -- he just started freaking flying from platform to platform and busting a move with a couple of eight-year-olds. Now THAT is a VMA performance people. Even Mr. Quadruple Threat himself, JT, gave Brown props for showing JT "how old I am."

WAIT -- was there just a subliminal announcement from the Fall Out Boy stage that Britney's on next?! Again?! Maybe she'll actually dance this time!

[Update -- Britney did not perform again. Sadly, her rather lackluster performance of her new, pretty decent tune was all we got]